25 Jun

Should I leave Portugal?

I’m at another crossroad in life.  While this is always stressful/scary/exciting, this one is especially exhausting because I feel like I’m making a major life decision every year.  A new country to move to.  A new language to learn.  A new visa to acquire.  A new apartment search.  A whole new feeling of loneliness and excitement at once.

And I’m exhausted.  It has all lost it’s sheen. I just want to be somewhere and stay put.  Do normal things … stay in one house for more than one year, not spend a week changing the addresses on my bank accounts and loans … not have multiple bank accounts, get a dog, not be afraid to get a boyfriend because I wouldn’t be leaving in a few months.  That may be the biggest one.  I know that I’m not old, 26 is still young.  But I know that I don’t want to be alone.  When I’m alone, I have no anchor and I feel like there is no point to anything I do.  Everything seems like a waste of time.  Obtaining degrees and being able to pay bills on time are not what really matter to me.  People are the most important thing in life, and I know I am not the exception to this rule.  So I want someone to share things with.  Someone to come home to.  Someone to be a constant in my life.

Something happy that I can take away from this?  I do know what I want.   It just isn’t something you can send a resume and cover letter to get.


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